In the rigmarole of lucky living, you tire
of the daily lessons: Sewing, Yoga, Captivity.
Push the lesson inside the microwave.
Watch it plump and pop and grow larval
with losses. Watch it shrink like shrikes
when they dodge out of this palatial
doom. On the sky’s torn hemline, this horizon,
make a wish on Buddha’s foot. How to halve,
but not to have—how to spare someone
of suffering, how to throw away the spare
key saved for a lover that you don’t
have, save yourself from the burning turret
with the wind of your own smitten hip.
Do you remember how girlhood was—a bore
born inside you, powerless? How you made
yourself winner by capturing grasshoppers
and skewering them? You washed a family
of newts in the dry husked summer, wetted
them with cotton swabs before the vivisection.
That’s playing God: to spare or not to spare.
In the end you chose mercy, and dropped
each live body into the slime-dark moat.
Today is a study in being a loser. The boyfriend
you carved out of lard you left in the refrigerator
overnight between the milk and chicken breasts.
Butcher a bed, sleep in its wet suet for a night.
Joke with a strumpet, save the watermelon
rinds for the maids to fry in their hot saucepans.
Open your blouse and find the ladybugs
sleeping in your navel. Open your novel
to the chapter where the floe cracks and kills
the cygnet. Study hard, refute your slayer.
All I want to do right now is eat chicken with Sally. What the fuck is wrong with reality?@10 months ago
I have beautiful friends and beautiful family. Will I ever be able to thank them enough?@10 months ago
it’s february & for the first time in years i’m not afraid of it@10 months ago
RELATED found in sketchbook from when i was 17: “i can make love to you in a way, but you are already THE LARGEST PHALLIC MESS”@10 months ago with 1 note
CALM DOWN, DI-AY. You are strong strong strong. You have the entire world. You are so good. You are so much better. You are phenomenal. You are light & heavy. You have a lust for life. You are a good idea. You create yourself. You are dear to my heart.@9 months ago with 3 notes
This time last year I was:
-restless in a bad way
-feeling emotionally stiff & understimulated
-drinking in the AM
-in a relationship that should’ve ended almost a year before it actually did
-thought i had zero friends (even though there were awesome people who were trying to reach out to me)
This morning before work I:
-HAD AMAZING ALONE TIME
-sang & danced loudly
-got a text from my crush & one from a best friend
-made & drank great coffee
SUCCESS@9 months ago with 1 note
I don’t want to leave my apartment today. I want to stay in my PJ’s, drink coffee, eat ice cream, and write in my journal about my love life. Maybe I’ll even order a whole pizza to myself. IS THIS OKAY?@10 months ago with 4 notes